you look like you might cut me.... I find that attractive

Sansevieria Cylindrica, your so damn hot. I first saw you at a party down in Pilsen, you clearly stood out. There were so many out of place hipsters down there, the resentment of the people who have lived down there for years was evident, but you even charmed them. I still don't know how you got all those free tamales from that little store for free. I'm thinking your that charming. I know I would have given you anything you asked for, even though you don't need much. My friend Leo told me that you get by with the smallest amount of care, very little water, and very little light. Though at the party you told me you can grow faster in brighter light. Who doesn't want to grow faster? I love the fact that you can get up to 7' tall, I like a tall plant. But I realize that your height, much like our potential love, is a slow growth kind of thing. I would do anything to get into your life. I know you hang out at Sprout Home, I have seen you there a couple times since meeting you at the party, you don't seem to remember me though, at least you don't speak when I say hello. Who knows maybe you can't talk, being a plant and all. I hear that you have the potential to be shaped, even braided, that is crazy to me, I like the way you simply reach for the sky, it's so motivational to me. Leo also told me you have a drinking problem, and that is why you only drink like twice a month or so. Maybe you should just drink nice clean water, rye and plants seems a bit much. I hope you get this letter, i'm just going to send it to Sprout, since I see you through the window there so much, don't panic, I have to pass Sprout Home to get to the 66 bus, to get to my job.... i'm not a stalker. At least I hope you don't think so after reading this letter. I really think you would like it at my house, I have an end table that is just dying to meet you. And don't worry, I think your nick name African Spear is pretty cool. I mean you are from there. I think it's cool how you got your name, a competition in a Dutch newspaper in 1837. Weirdly cool.

Spider Plant. Baby I think your special.

Chlorophytum comosum Vittatum, yeah... I know your name. You wrote it down on a napkin at Perogi Fest last weekend, but that number you gave me seems busy all the time. My roomie thinks your just trying to blow me off. Could be. But here is deal, your so special to me, there are so many things I love about you. OK, love is a Strong word, so... like. Yeah, so many things I like about you. Your looks are amazing, you seem to flow out of the top of the planter with such grace and style. And the way you make little babies all the time. Some guys might find that to be a bit much, but I like it. New life if great, and besides, I can give your little ones away to my friends. If that is cool with you. A friend told me, that all I have to do is wait for your little ones to get a few inches long, and to snip them off, set them in water (root knob down) and within a week or so, there will be roots. Then I can just plant your little babies in potting mix, and bam, new plant. But like I said, only if it's cool with you. You look real nice with them flowing off of your main body as well. Your coloration is pretty. Nice and light looking. you even come with stripes, it's like your a race car or something. Your so rugged to, you take abuse well. Nothing mean, just an occasional lack of water. I will do my best to keep you watered about every 5-7 days, I know that depends on where we decide your going to live. Another thing that is amazing about you is your rate production of oxygen, your always in the top 5 for air producing, and air cleaning. And believe me, my air can be pretty toxic from time to time. I'm thinking your going to hang, is that cool? If you want, I could just pot you low, and you can rock it floor plant style. Either way works for me. I just like how low maintenance you are, this is my main reason to love you. So many people diss you, call you a weed, or typical. To that I say, they are so wrong, they just can't see what I see in you. Your the tops. Full sun, to bright indirect light is all you need, some water from time to time, and well... this can be our dream together. Not like that stupid movie inception. Yeah, I don't even mind that your part of the Lilly Family, that doesn't bother me a bit. Being from South and West Africa is cool, adds character for sure. I know about you being sensitive to fluoride, we can work past that. There is one thing that kind of sucks about you. You became the craze during the Victorian period, LAME!